god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
