he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
