fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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