i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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