and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
