just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
