Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize