we have pet lesbian snakes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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