Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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