Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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