I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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