SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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