I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
