I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
