Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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