I can't watch pbs sober anymore
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
