Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
