"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
