I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
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