I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
