Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
