someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
