wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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