I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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