I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize