so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
