you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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