I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize