I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
