You can't motorboat a personality
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
