The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
