I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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