I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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