Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
