My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
