Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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