Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
