Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
