My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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