you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
