There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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