I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
