You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He? As in you personified your dick?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
