You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
