i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
