sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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