At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
