I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize