I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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