ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
