I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
