Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize