I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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