Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
