you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
