i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize