Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
