So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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