he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
false alarm, still single
Randomize
