there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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