She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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