Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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