i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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