It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
