I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
