Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't put those talents on a resume
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
