If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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