i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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