Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
