Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
