We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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