grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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