nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
