I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
