I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
