His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
