FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
