I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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