Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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