how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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