I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
