so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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