Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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