Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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