If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
