I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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