It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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