My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
two words: eviction party
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
