The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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