I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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