Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you never un-have a 4some
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize