id be glad to
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
