it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
