Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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