i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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