I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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