I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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