I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
MIDGETS
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Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
