i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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