Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
