HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
