My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
